Monday, February 18, 2008
My Voice
As I have gotten older the thing that I love the most is the stories of my people. I have tried to the best of my abilities to not let the stories and beliefs of the Crow People die. I want to make sure that they become as much a part of the history of the US as the Civil War that used my people. I am part of many historical societies to try and make sure that the Crows have a voice in the past, and so that I know my voice can't be lost. I know that it will make it, it is so easy to communicate with others now, and it is my hope that the voice isn't ever lost.
Being a Warrior
It's so easy to say that I was a warrior when I faced the German's during WWWII, and completed the four coup's to become a chief. I have to admit that I was proud of what I had done throughout the war and pleased that I was able to express myself as an Indian as well as an American. I am proud of my past and my ancestors.
But the time in my life where I was a true warrior, was when I was attended school in Oregon. It was the first time I was away from my people. I had always attended schools with other Indians, and the last time I was with non-indians I didn't do well and got sick of the fighting. But as I packed my car up to go to Linefeild, with my goal of being the first Crow man to finish college I didn't have the foresight of what was to come as my Cheyenne grandmother did. She began to sing a song that I had never heard before, and I learned it was what was sung when a warrior was going off to war. I had no idea at the time that I really was about to face a type of battle, and it was what would make me a warrior as much as running around in the snow.
Only the battle field was the mind, I had to fight against prejudices and discrimination from others, but I also had to battle my own mental capicity. I had to open my brain up in ways I hadn't been forced to before, to really understand all the things that were being taught to me. Any time it seemed as if one of my classes was beating me, I would think of my old Cheyenne grandmother's song and I would automatically be revitalized.
I have decided that being a warrior is more than just fighting in a declared war, it is pushing one's own boundaries. When I was younger I was getting use to the idea of pushing my limits by running in the snow, once then twice then three times, and this was just getting me use to the idea of pushing myself. As I got older, I had to push againast my own belief's about being white and what it means to be a white person. In college I needed to make sure that I didn't let school bet me, I needed to push past academic boundaries and learn as much as I could. In the war, I was when I was the most conventional warrior, fighting with weapons against an enemy. But I have been a warrior all the way through my life.
But the time in my life where I was a true warrior, was when I was attended school in Oregon. It was the first time I was away from my people. I had always attended schools with other Indians, and the last time I was with non-indians I didn't do well and got sick of the fighting. But as I packed my car up to go to Linefeild, with my goal of being the first Crow man to finish college I didn't have the foresight of what was to come as my Cheyenne grandmother did. She began to sing a song that I had never heard before, and I learned it was what was sung when a warrior was going off to war. I had no idea at the time that I really was about to face a type of battle, and it was what would make me a warrior as much as running around in the snow.
Only the battle field was the mind, I had to fight against prejudices and discrimination from others, but I also had to battle my own mental capicity. I had to open my brain up in ways I hadn't been forced to before, to really understand all the things that were being taught to me. Any time it seemed as if one of my classes was beating me, I would think of my old Cheyenne grandmother's song and I would automatically be revitalized.
I have decided that being a warrior is more than just fighting in a declared war, it is pushing one's own boundaries. When I was younger I was getting use to the idea of pushing my limits by running in the snow, once then twice then three times, and this was just getting me use to the idea of pushing myself. As I got older, I had to push againast my own belief's about being white and what it means to be a white person. In college I needed to make sure that I didn't let school bet me, I needed to push past academic boundaries and learn as much as I could. In the war, I was when I was the most conventional warrior, fighting with weapons against an enemy. But I have been a warrior all the way through my life.
White People
It is true that since the beginning my people and white people have never been able to see eye to eye. I feared the white person since I was a young child, because of the views that my grandparents had. My great grandmother Bear That Stays by the Side of the River use to tell me "If you aren't a good boy, I'll give you to the white people." And that sure set me straight, I wouldn't even have a hair on my head out of place. I don't know what it was about white people that had me so afriad, probably because I had never really known one, and because all those that I looked up to were afraid of them.
As I went through most of my early childhood I continued to stay afraid of white people, they could never understand us and often called us names. But one day I had to go into the hospital to fix a breathing problem and I was scared. I had never really experienced a white person before and go figure! My roommate was an old white man. I eventually settled down and figured out that he was ok, even though he was white. I think the biggest reason why I trusted him was because he had worked along side my grandfather Medicine Crow. I had always thought that my grandparents hated and feared the white people, but I was wrong. But even more interestingly enough this man next to me was a white Crow! Needless to say, my opinions of the white people changed that day, but once I got to public school, those ideas were once again thrown out the window.
I was forced to go to public school, and away from my safe baptist school. This obviously made school go from bad to worse. We were told we didn't know english well enough and needed to go some place we would be taught it. But I have to admit that I wasn't sure if I wanted to know it! Unfortuntly, the white parents wanted us there about as much as we wanted to be there. They said things like: "These Indians are dirty and covered with lice. They are so dumb the teachers will have to spend more time with them and neglect our kids." We aren't dumb! We don't have lice! and we don't want to be there anyways! I wish that the children were more open to our presence, but they weren't. So we, all the Indian children, decided to resist as much as possible.
I don't want to be associated with the white person, I love who I am and I don't want to change. I love being a Crow and I am proud of my past. It seems stupid to change and become white. I use to make fun of other Indians who would try and act white. What were they doing? It was as if they were trying to get ride of thier rich Indian history!
I wish, as I sit here and look back, I could say that my encounters with the white students as I got older became more tame, but that just isn't the case. The Indians and the white students would often fight during recess, and if we were caught in town after dark we wouldn't make it home. I'm just thankful that I became secure enough in my own identity to not let that hinder me my whole life. I was able to enter the US army without the same fear I had of white people as a child, and defend numerous white people. That is only part of what made me a warrior.
As I went through most of my early childhood I continued to stay afraid of white people, they could never understand us and often called us names. But one day I had to go into the hospital to fix a breathing problem and I was scared. I had never really experienced a white person before and go figure! My roommate was an old white man. I eventually settled down and figured out that he was ok, even though he was white. I think the biggest reason why I trusted him was because he had worked along side my grandfather Medicine Crow. I had always thought that my grandparents hated and feared the white people, but I was wrong. But even more interestingly enough this man next to me was a white Crow! Needless to say, my opinions of the white people changed that day, but once I got to public school, those ideas were once again thrown out the window.
I was forced to go to public school, and away from my safe baptist school. This obviously made school go from bad to worse. We were told we didn't know english well enough and needed to go some place we would be taught it. But I have to admit that I wasn't sure if I wanted to know it! Unfortuntly, the white parents wanted us there about as much as we wanted to be there. They said things like: "These Indians are dirty and covered with lice. They are so dumb the teachers will have to spend more time with them and neglect our kids." We aren't dumb! We don't have lice! and we don't want to be there anyways! I wish that the children were more open to our presence, but they weren't. So we, all the Indian children, decided to resist as much as possible.
I don't want to be associated with the white person, I love who I am and I don't want to change. I love being a Crow and I am proud of my past. It seems stupid to change and become white. I use to make fun of other Indians who would try and act white. What were they doing? It was as if they were trying to get ride of thier rich Indian history!
I wish, as I sit here and look back, I could say that my encounters with the white students as I got older became more tame, but that just isn't the case. The Indians and the white students would often fight during recess, and if we were caught in town after dark we wouldn't make it home. I'm just thankful that I became secure enough in my own identity to not let that hinder me my whole life. I was able to enter the US army without the same fear I had of white people as a child, and defend numerous white people. That is only part of what made me a warrior.
Becoming a Warrior
I know that grandfather Yellowtail is just trying to make me a warrior, but it seems like he is going to such extremes. I hate being woken up early in the morning to just run in the snow. It makes me feet hurt and it's a horrible way to wake up in the morning. Part of me is proud to be training for a warrior, it will one day make me a strong man, but I think he is only doing this becuase he wasn't a warrior. I am able to withstand cold like I wouldn't have believed, especially becuase of the cold baths I have to take everyday with grandfather Yellowtail.
I guess if this is what I have to do to become a true warrior, I must continue. I want to make my grandfather Yellowtail proud.
I guess if this is what I have to do to become a true warrior, I must continue. I want to make my grandfather Yellowtail proud.
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